Pain is easier than love
by adwkokos
Summary: Xmas story... A bit sad... ZexionDemyx sorta


Pain is easier than love: 

I walk along the dark streets of The World That Never Was. The ground is covered with snow. The snow is the only sign that this isn't just any other day. This is Christmas Eve. Wait. That was a lie. My watch says 1.24 a.m, so technically this is Christmas Day. I wonder if I'll get any presents. I remember how much I loved presents when I was I kid. Another lie. I don't remember my childhood. Of course I don't, didn't have one, did I? Those memories aren't mine. They belong to my Somebody. I have no idea who he is or where he is, but I do share some of his memories.

I'm surprised to find that I'm not the only one who's not in bed. Demyx is standing about twenty meters away from me. He's looking in the opposite direction, so he doesn't notice me. Suddenly I really want to throw a snowball at him. I feel like a little child that wants attention. Well, _feel_ might be the wring word. Anyway, I resist the urge. I don't want him to know I'm there. I can tell from the way he moves his head that he's looking for someone, and I'm pretty sure that 'someone' is me. I've turned him down more times than I can count, but he doesn't seem to give up.

You might wonder why I keep rejecting him. He's obviously madly in love with me. He's cute, funny, charming and so on and so on. He's also loyal, kind and trustworthy. One could almost say he has a good heart. That would be yet another lie, though. He doesn't have a heart. You might ask how he can be in love with me without a heart. Truth be told, I don't know. I guess feelings don't have anything to with the heart. It's all in the head.

But back to why I reject him. He sounds like the perfect guy, so why don't I love him? I do. I love him more than anything in the world. Ever time I hurt him, I feel like crying. Every time I turn him down, it's the hardest thing I've ever done.

If I love him so much, why won't I be with him? I guess the reason is quite selfish. You see, pain and love are both strong emotions, but where it takes a lot to feel love, pain is easy. Why do I need these emotions? I don't know. They make me feel whole, I think. When I'm hurt, and weeping silently inside, I almost believe it's a real feeling. Axel always says Roxas makes him feel like he has a heart. Well, I don't know if Demyx and I could ever share a love as strong as theirs. I don't know if Demyx would make me feel like I have a heart. Pain, however, does just that. It makes me feel like I'm real, like I'm a real person. It makes me forget that I'm just a Nobody. It makes me feel like I have real emotions. It makes me feel like I have a heart.

_To Zexion, I love you, merry x-mas, from Demyx._ I read the words over and over again. They're scribbled on a card with a picture of a star. The card is attached to a present wrapped in gray paper. My present from Demyx. I don't even know if I'll open it or not. But I do know that the fact that I haven't given him anything makes him sad, and making Demyx sad causes me great pain, and pain makes me feel whole.

That's how selfish I am.

**---------**

**That was… short… And obviously, it's about Zexion, everyone's favorite little emo-kid… This is the first of my x-mas stories… I'll write lots of them… They'll be angsty or romantic… Or both… I don't know if all of them are gonna be KH-related, or if I'll write some stories with only Final Fantasy-characters… I might do one FF-story… About my beloved Vincent Valentine… I don't know… Or, actually I do know… I will write a Vincent-story, cause now that I've mentioned it I won't get it out of my head before I write it… Anyway, the next story will be about Yuffie… It'll be sad… Really, really sad… I hope… Sometimes I just can't make my stories sad enough, and sometimes they won't be happy enough… It's weird… But I'll try to make it really, really sad… And I think I might do a cute little Sora/Riku-story, too… That will make my friend Silli happy… **

**Please let me know what you think… I'm not quite sure if I like this story… I wanna know what other people think of it… Zexion-plushies for reviewers… **


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